Tuesday is my favourite day of the week.
By Tuesday the stress and the pressure of Monday has worn off. Wednesday is but a quick dream away. And then it’s pretty much Thursday and everyone knows Thursday is practically the weekend. And then Friday takes over it’s fast and filled with last-minute jobs that must be done, so it’s heavy and full and tiring. Saturday has so much expectation, the best weekend every weekend! But Sunday is lovely, yet Sunday night rolls around pretty quick, and I never sleep well on Sundays. So, now Tuesday is my favourite day of the week. It’s filled with so much promise. So much space and time and blue skies. It’s also the day I write my blog posts.
A day of free writing fun. I type furiously, the keys bouncing under my fingers as the words spill out from my heart to beat of the taps. Sometimes the words, they make me cry because they can be so honest. Sometimes, they don’t get shared. Saved and hidden just for me to process. Sometimes, they fill me with happy memories, other days they are slow to appear, but eventually, the trickle turns to a waterfall. I’ll never run out of things to write about. My mind whirrs at 100 miles an hour; lists and dreams and thoughts and plans. Ideas and problems and books and stories.
But today, this Tuesday. I didn’t feel free.
I didn’t feel the usual lightness of my midweek breather. I started to type and I felt anxious and worried and sad. At a time when the world feels like its falling apart, for the first time, in a long time, I didn’t know what to write. At a time when it feels like it’s difficult to breathe, I didn’t know what to use my breath to say.
I went to the supermarket today and the shelves were empty.
I watched the news today and I felt my heart race.
I scrolled through my newsfeed today and I felt that familiar burning pain at the back of my throat.
And when I start to think more about the real people in the world, strangers who are suffering or who are worried or anxious, I felt the words on my screen start to get blurry.
What can I do? Who cares what I type? Why does any of it matter?
It’s so easy to spiral and spin and lose our footing, it so easy to dip into despair. To give in to the dizzying heartbeats and the burning tears. But instead, I want to think about what I can do, in this very small part of the world I am lucky enough to call my home. I want to think about how I can respond instead of react, and I want to think about how I can choose to feel and how I can choose to live.
So much is out of our control, but so much is within our control.
Tonight, I chose to write to my neighbours, just a little card to let them know I’m here and I can help if they want anything. I wanted to use my words to offer support and encouragement. But mostly hope.
Tonight, I also chose to write a gratitude list, a collection of all of the things I am grateful for in this very moment. Tangible things I can grab hold of and celebrate. Things I can clutch onto until my knuckles go white, and things I can think about when the world feels like it’s spinning out of control. Just simple things, things that I should recognise more each day. Some things that bring me joy.
I don’t know about you friend, but this has helped me so much today. If you feel like things are spinning or if your heart starts beating fast or you wonder what to do next, just move one foot in front of the other, one item on your list after the next and we’ll see what the world looks like next week. Next Tuesday, my favourite day of the week.
My gratitude list
- I do have food in my fridge and in my cupboard. (even if it is a random assortment of items. I have food and I can eat)
- My friends and family are safe and well. I can call them anytime.
- I live in such a beautiful place, I can put my boots on and walk into the spring sunshine, without restriction or worry.
- My spring bulbs are blooming, they look so colourful and they help me realise that everything has its season. They survived the winter.
- I live with my best friend and we will always have each other.
- I have internet and electricity and I can type and write (and steal my Dad’s amazon prime account) to my heart’s content.
- I have wine in the fridge waiting for me to open on Friday night.
- I finished the second draft of my novel this week. I didn’t ever think this would be possible. But I did it and I’m so unbelievable and unashamedly grateful that I have been able to spend time working on it. Here’s to draft three.
- And finally, it’s Tuesday, my favourite day of the week.
I have so so much more to grateful for, but tonight I’m already feeling overwhelmed.